In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
