RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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