You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
