ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
