Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
