I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
