Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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