I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
