For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
