Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
