i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
