when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
