dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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