Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
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