I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
