so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
