if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
