My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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