you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
