How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
