if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
