the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
