you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize