Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
