So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
