I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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