Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
