FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you made out with another girl for some wings
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
