I wish I could punch you in the face.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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