I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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