just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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