i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
