Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you never un-have a 4some
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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