kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
