She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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