there's paper in my vomit.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize