I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
