I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
