No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I cut my penus on the lid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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