Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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