My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
