yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
