I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
