There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
