ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
