So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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