nut hugger
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize