marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
