Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize