next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
