happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
