dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
