rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
