I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
