I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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