drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
