My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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