oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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