Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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