I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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