I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
