she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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