a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
