Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
