I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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