turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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