Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
