Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
