Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
